heartbreak

over the past few months, i've been using the word "heartbreak" a lot. we all have some idea of what this means. i'm sure most of us think of how duckie felt in "pretty in pink." i mean, i'd try to punch the most popular guy in school and run down a hall, trashing the prom banner along the way if i was heartbroken, wouldn't you? however, heartbreak for me has now become multi-dimensional, focusing more on moments when something is so pure, so perfect, so beyond the pre-fabricated and formulaic things we seem to encounter in this century. these things make my heart ache. they make me want to have HD cameras mounted inside my eyes and microphones built into my ears so i can capture these moments without the distraction of hand-held devices. i guess this is ideally what our brain can do and our memories can supply. but we all know that often the sensation is never as strong, unless we have an 104 fever or the most vivid of dreams, waking up laughing out loud or with tears soaking cheeks. i'm going to continue to look for these heartbreaking things, in everyday places, in the small moments and in the corners. ok. good.

ok.

hello. this photo is from outside a church in my town. not my church mind you, but an amazingly white tall steepled homage to JC or whomever you want. i was skeptical of this quote at first, because of its placement outside a church. after some time, i came to look at it as something that inspired me and gave me direction. i need some of that right now. ok.

screw you "who's the boss?"

yes. you are correct. i am mad at the 80s television show "who's the boss?" fuck you "who's the boss?" just think about it. for 8 years and 196 episodes, you utterly destroyed the notion that people should find a way to communicate with one another and tell each other their true feelings. hey, "who's the boss?", who said it would be a good idea to make this man and woman keep their love for one another a secret for all of those years? that is the stupidest fucking thing i've ever heard. really, you're really crap, "who's the boss?", and if i had my way, i'd put every recorded copy of your show in a rocket and launch it into the sun. i fucking hate you, "who's the boss?" and i hope my eyes never have to look at you again. have a nice day.

i will lift you

hello. i'll be there, you know. i will be there to lift you. it may not be comfortable, in fact at times, it may seem even torturous. it will help however, nonetheless. good.

another late night thought

hi. how are you? i realize that you cannot answer, unless you decide to leave a comment. as you can see, it is snowing again on the north shore of massachusetts. i am in my apartment, listening to the soundtrack from "The Illusionist" and thinking about the age old concept of star-crossed love finally being realized. if you have seen this movie (which i highly recommend) then you will know what i mean. its funny, we humans spend a lot of time, whether we think it prudent or not, looking for someone to understand us, someone who fits with us. someone who will be there in the moments we need them most. as humans, we most likely cannot really live alone. we need others to enrich us, educate us, inspire and fulfill us. there is nothing wrong with this, it is a special gift that we can give to others, and hopefully, receive as well. ok.

. . .

i love you

hello. i have missed you. please accept these flowers as token of my affection and devotion. they will last forever. ok. good.

better

2009, it needs to be this way. ok.