remember

i remember when it all happened, and the way that it all came together so seamlessly, how could it have not been right? i was doing my usual tour of the neighborhood, looking for that woman who shared all my interests, but knowing that only one or possibly two might actually be met.

there was an open garage so of course i walked right in, and walked right into my destiny and reason for living. sure, so there was a t-square, so she liked design or architecture, or at least some form of technical drawing. we all know how hot that is. but then my eyes kept scanning and my mind started speeding and my fingers started tapping against each other evil villain style as the whole scene went through the cornea over the retina and into the brain.

a book on ninjas, and a guide to karate shared the shelf with the best book ever written: "snakes, the keeper and the kept." a global best seller for 173 weeks, it was rumored to be on Liberace's bedside table on the night of his death, and served as the white paper for the korean armistice agreement. I think we can all see that this woman, the owner of these books, could seriously make anyone happy.

points were scored of course with the hot bike magazine and stooge poster, but it wasn't until my eye carefully spied paul stamets' famed guide to psilocybe mushrooms that i realized that love was possible between two humans.

i continued to stare at this array of all the things i loved, basically looking into the heart of the woman i knew i would cherish for the rest of my life. and even when she finally came to me and introduced herself, showering my eyes with the most powerful mace available outside of law enforcement and caressing my kneecaps with a steel bar that can only be described as the embodiment of devotion and compassion, i still didn't believe it could be true. sometimes love finds you just when you least expect it. at least, that is what they say.

that was a special day.

listen

hi. i have this thing that i do every time i fly. i look at and listen to the flight attendants when they do their security machinations before takeoff. i call them machinations, because many times it feels just like that. the entire process often has the air of "you know how to buckle, read and breathe and put on the mask before others and top off the air in the life jacket with these phallic tubes. and i know that you know how to do all those things, which is why i fake put on the oxygen mask because i don't want those stinking elastic bands getting caught in my hair, as i'm meeting my philadelphia affair at the airport marriott when we land."

however, i still give the flight attendants my full attention. it is one of my flight rituals. we'll talk about why the tray-table latch needs to be perfectly vertical another time (let's just say it improves aerodynamics.) For me, it makes that three minutes more bearable. i'd rather stare at them and hear the same information over and over again than see them up there going through the motions to a plane full of people utterly ignoring them.

yesterday, i was looking at the 50-something male flight attendant as he gave the demonstrations. we were 5 rows from each other, but he saw me looking at him. we held a gaze several times, and i could see that he understood that i was paying attention. all around, my fellow passengers were reading, checking messages (umm, excuse me, but the forward doors are closed), chatting with seat mates or trying to open the obsolete ashtrays that have either been glued or chewing-gummed shut. the briefing ended and he slowly wrapped up this faux seatbelt, oxygen mask and folded the safety card. as he walked past me to his station at the rear of the aircraft, he reached out and patted me on the shoulder 3 times. pat pat pat.

maybe he was glad that someone gave him some respect. perhaps he thought i was a first time flyer and took in every word so as to survive our impending doom. maybe he wanted me at the airport marriott, i don't know.

we took off and he served me the sprite i asked for.

ok.

how are you

hello. it has been some time. i have missed you. there are many things that i want to say to you. i will write you a note on a postcard. then i will give that postcard over to the good graces of the United States Postal System. At that point, space and time are folded. the Spice is injected into magic tubes, Kyle Maclachlan rides a giant worm and shouts at people. those people blow up. the universe is at peace and it rains in the desert. sorry, i was thinking about Dune and david lynch. anyway, my postcard will arrive and you will know how i feel about you. perhaps you would like to have some of these postcards? ok. good.

http://www.etsy.com/shop/adamcohn249

ok.

When can we get together again?
Nevermind, I've lost you
How can I tell if I love you anymore
Nevermind, I know I do
Call you closer to my arms
You'll feel better when you're warm
Do you like it when you leave your house?
Do you like it when you're in a town?
That you love
Like one I live in
Like one I live in

It's my body's plan

I feel another
Timer
Will my love
Slow down

It's my body's plan

Make another telephone call
Think of you and me

talamak_toro y moi

thoughts

i've thought about you. here, in the water, with the constant fizzing of carbon filled oxygen pumping into my crystalline chamber driving me slowly into a state or insanity, or deliciousness. that's right. i understand what is going on and i know that i am delicious. hell, i'm scrumptious, and that word isn't even used much anymore, so i'm wise and well-read also. damn. maybe you'd like to to put me in a bisque. what the hell is a bisque? yes, we all know you are very fancy and cultured, but it's cream and seafood. people in new england call it a chowder, but i guess there is someone out there right now saying, "what the fuck is a chowder?" i'm sure that one of you will smother me in butter. smother. maybe it's the hunter instinct in your species to feel as if you've killed your meal, but i've never understood the allure of food that is smothered in a sauce or with cheese. smothering means killing. raise your fork to the sky and grunt and get it over with. whatever you do, try to eat me at a local restaurant. don't cheapen our relationship by going to red lobster. you're only going there with the hopes that they'll open an olive garden next year. that is so wrong. ok. good.

reminder

a friend brought this paragraph back to me . . . from the diary. ok.

"we're all alive, but we don't know why or what for; we're all searching for happiness; we're all leading lives that are different and yet the same. we three have been raised in good families, we have the opportunity to get an education and make something of ourselves. we have many reasons to hope for great happiness, but . . . we have to earn it. and that's something you can't achieve by taking the easy way out. earning happiness means doing good and working, not speculating and being lazy. laziness may look inviting, but only work give you true satisfaction."

hello.

it has been some time since i have poured it all out on here. there are many reasons for this, and i'm not going to go into all of them now. i think the winter of 2008-2009 may have been the most miserable time in my life. i learned a lot about life, a lot about love and a lot about friendship. i spent a lot of time thinking about honesty. most of this came in the form of openness in relationships, and lessons about what happens when this is not the case.

right now, i'm in a bedroom in my parents finished basement. my two kids are asleep on a sofa bed around the corner, and i'm finishing my third glass of champagne. it's after 1pm and the cringing over Dick Clark's verbal delivery, or disgust for Ryan Seacrest's canned excitement, or urge to buy Nivea Brand Products has faded away and it is just me, my brain, the laptop and the beginning of 2010.

this beginning feels nice though.

imagine that you are walking in some impossibly pristine meadow, and it is late. it is this time, and the blue moon forecasted has actually happened and you are walking up a slow rise to the crest of a hill. to those who know what the hell i am talking about, it is Valley Forge Park pristine. at the crest, the rest of the hill, the valley, the forest and in the far distance, the city awaits. this is what is happening now. this is what is in-store for 2010. peace, calm, beauty and if wanted, the lights.

at least, this is what i want.

to those who know, to those who know me, i love you.

ok. good.