these things are sung, these things are heard.

blue line swinger_yo la tengo.

i didn't want to hear you, but then, there you were . . .

you, 

you won't talk about 

what we see when the lights are out

and i'm willing to hold your hand 

while you're lost,

while you're so full of doubt

walk for miles, on your own loose ends, 

i'll find you there

i'll find you there

you,

you walk up thin blue lines 

possible with reality

and i, i see through small red eyes,

glowing still at your uncertainty

out of the darkness you will come around, 

i know you will

i know you will

and i'll find you

and i'll find you there.

ok.

sunrise

it happens every day. many days it is obscured by clouds. today, it wasn't. i think i'm at the beginning of something. i really haven't been properly in this place for a long, long time. 

ok. good.

MSG FR U

when i first started writing here, i was planning on making most of the posts about language, communication, perception and reality. it hasn't really turned out that way, but here is something that gets a bit closer. i walked past this basement window yesterday and happened to look down at it. funny how things work, but then i guess i am always out to see something inspirational. i just love the way that this is abbreviated, and the process that made it possible. there is probably some elaborate typographic system the company has, font size etc. etc. and it was JUST NOT POSSIBLE  to have all words properly spelled out. or maybe, some young designer working there is slowly weaving a more "texting" based lexicon into the business. either way, i get the feeling this mayonnaise is infinitely better than extra heavy mayonnaise. good. 

back

hi. i'm going back to china in 2 weeks, to hong kong. i've been through that airport twice, but have never been in the city, ever. i don't think one should be able to say they have been somewhere if they have only stopped over in the airport. i haven't been in china since last september, and that is about all i can say. 

ok. good.

awwwww

the state of this sign over the past 2 months. i drove by it every morning on the way to work, and told myself i had to shoot it. i'm glad i finally did because now it is congratulating the local high school team for winning the state ice hockey tournament. in this photo, it pretty much sums up the winter. nothing going on. after the hockey thing comes down, i hope to put the statement, "BILLY IS A JERK" on there. i have no idea who billy is, but that dbag is a jerk. ok.

the calm

hello. yesterday, i read a short story by Raymond Carver entitled The Calm. it is set in a small barber shop, and most of the story is about the main character watching a conversation between his barber and 3 other men. near the end, the barber breaks up an argument, and all 3 end up walking out of the shop, leaving just the man in the chair and him. this is the final scene:

THE barber turned me in the chair to face the mirror. He put a hand on either side of my head. He positioned me a last time, and then he brought his head down next to mine. 

We looked in the mirror together, his hands still framing my head.

I was looking at myself, and he was looking at me too. But if the barber saw something, he didn't offer comment. 

He ran his fingers through my hair. He did it slowly, as if thinking about something else. He ran his fingers through my hair. He did it tenderly, as a lover would.

That was in Crescent City, California, up near the Oregon border. I left soon after. But today I was thinking of that place, of Crescent City, and of how I was trying out a new life there with my wife, and how, in the barber's chair that morning, I had made up my mind to go. I was thinking today about the calm I felt when I closed my eyes and let the barber's fingers move through my hair, the sweetness of those fingers, the hair already starting to grow.

love, loss, memory. these things are so powerful, to the point where feeling them, even if they hurt and cripple, is better than not feeling anything, at all.

so, now.

someone once said to me, "make it happen."

i did.

ok.

see

i went for a late night walk yesterday, mainly because i hadn't run in several days and needed to just get out and MOVE. but of course, i brought the camera. as you've heard me mention, my town, newburyport massachusetts, is a small quiet place. last night, the streets were void of all life. cars were in lots or driveways to make way for snowplows, and no one was out walking at 10:30pm. just a lonely exercise starved person like myself in search of an image or moment that could transform this "life is good" type town into something phenomenal and epic, at least to me. i've been in search of these photos, for over 10 years, from when i got a small olympus stylus epic and shot photos constantly. what a great little camera that was. damn, i miss it. now, it seems, i'm always hoping for that one shot that will define it all. a shot that will explain to someone everything that is going on in my head. an image that will make someone's heartbreak, in the way that i have previously explained heartbreak. 

a photo that will make someone truly understand me. 

perhaps this is a lot for one image to do, actually, i don't believe that. stand in front of picasso's guernica, or a work by sol le witt. stand on a dark hillside in valley forge park, and stare at the memorial arch, lit up alone amongst the forest and forts. listen to "horn" by nick drake, or read the passage in The Fountainhead where Roark explains to the dean of his school that he doesn't need school anymore. hell, watch brando explain to sheen the utter impossibility of war and humanity. 

these single moments of creativity or expression, if they are worthy, extend miles and miles beyond their original intent and purpose. 

ok. good.